The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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