.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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