I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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