She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
