I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
