Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
soo... how was my night?
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