Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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