Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
