I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
