Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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