I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
