Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
