he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
