people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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