she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
