Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
