haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
