I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
