Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
