I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
