he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
