Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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