hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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