lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
