You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize