i came on her dog
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
