"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
