You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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