One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Someone signed my nipple.
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