Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
