At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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