There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
