i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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