just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
