Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your penis caused this!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize