hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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