I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize