I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
