Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
