so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
