i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
