Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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