Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize