Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish i was in the wii world.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
