I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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