cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize