My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
