I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
