I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
