yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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